The Japanese Have Gone Too Far

A new Japanese musical instrument is sweeping the internet and being featured in numerous viral videos. Billed as “the world’s cutest and weirdest musical instrument”, the Otamatone is the world’s newest electronic musical sensation. Invented by Novmichi Tosa for Maywa Denki, the Otamatone is a great toy for kids or an addition to any musician’s arsenal of unique instruments.

To play the Otamatone, you simply place your fingers along the length of the stem. As you move your fingers along the Otamatone’s surface, the pitch and tone of the note changes. Move your fingers down the stem to raise the pitch, and slide them back up to lower it.

You can also squeeze the “head” of the Otamatone, which gives the illusion that the Otamatone is singing. Squeezing the head also changes the tone of the note being played. The sound and playing style used to experiment with the Otamatone has been compared by some people to the Theremin, another type of musical instrument.

Clearly, the Otamatone is meant to look like a single musical note. But the instrument comes in two colors: black (which looks like an eighth note) and white (which looks less like an eighth note and more like a very cheerful little sperm). Considering the fact that this item is Japanese, I’m sure it’s no coincidence that white was selected as a color option.

Despite the fact that the Otamatone hasn’t been on the market for very long, there are a number of videos on YouTube of people playing different songs using this wacky and distinctly Japanese instrument.

I know the Japanese can invent American’s under the table. They have robots making them breakfast, walking their dog, and taking out the trash. If I lived in Japan I would just sit on my couch all day while Robot Big Cat furiously blogged. And you know he would be writing some of the funniest blogs on the internet without even breaking a sweat, just making it look easy all day.

But seriously Japan. What the hell is this? First of all it looks like a sperm, and there is nothing you can tell me to convince me otherwise. There’s no way to play this thing without looking stupid and weirdly sexual at the same time. I’ve stared at the picture of the girl with the sperm in her hands for like 5 minutes now and I still cant figure out what’s going on or how to properly play this thing.

Also, what the hell happened to the recorder? Come on Japan, don’t fix what ain’t broken. I mean you can’t get a better instrument than the recorder. To this day you could hand me a recorder and I’ll spit out a Hot Cross Buns that will make you cry. I probably should be sitting backstage at Carnegie Hall right now getting ready for my 300th straight recorder sell out, just kicking it with recorder groupies, living the high life. I was like a recorder virtuoso.


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