The Hot Glove’s Weekly NFL Picks

Halloween Football 300x227 The Hot Gloves Weekly NFL Picks

Halloween weekend is always the best. Unless of course youre 14 or 15 years old. That literally is the only age that sucks for Halloween. You’re too old to trick or treat, (believe me I tried and half the people thought I was trying to rob them, awkward), you’re too young to drink (unless you’re a popular kid then you were drinking and banging at the age of 9), and you don’t have the balls to cause mass destruction like the 16-18 year olds. Literally everyone around you is having significantly more fun than you, which is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world.

But don’t worry 14-15 year olds, it will get better, you will go to college and Halloween will become the greatest weekend of your life year in and year out. Don’t give up hope, just hold on for 1 more year.

Halloween is also great for all those fans in NFL stadiums that dress up for every game. For one sunday every year they don’t have to feel like social misfits and complete losers. Good times.

angry colts fan The Hot Gloves Weekly NFL Picks


Denver @ San Francisco -1 - Do you think Josh McDaniels has stopped softly weeping yet? You see 59 point in college but in the NFL? Unheard of. Just a total kick in your teeth, punch in your dick, ass whoopin. And to the Raiders? That’s like getting picked last in gym class, you don’t bounce back from that kind of embarrassment, ever.

Washington +2.5 @ Detroit  - If I’m Detroit I put this game away early. The last thing you want is for Donovan McNabb to have the ball with a few minutes left on the clock running that deadly 2 minute offense. Donovan McNabb + 2 minute offense = Lights Out.

Sidenote -Can anyone figure out the redskins?. They aren’t good but they also aren’t bad. And don’t say mediocre, that’s cheating.

Green Bay +6 @ NY Jets - Our friends over at can’t be too thrilled about this matchup. The most physical team in the league coming off a bye vs. a team ravished by injuries in desperate need of a bye. But you know what, fuck it, Aaron Rodgers is fast as fuck, and Rex will probably have a tummy ache from reeses peanut butter cups. Take the points.

Buffalo +7.5 @ Kansas City - Ryan Fiztpatrick is my new Charlie Batch. I’m going to get a fathead of him and stare at it all day long. I know this may be a little premature but I’m going to say it anyway. Ryan Fitzpatrick 2011 NFL MVP. Did you see what he did to Baltimore? Straight fire sauce, all day.

Jacksonville @ Dallas -6.5 - You know what sucks. All the stupid asshole Cowboys fans now have an excuse to why their season went in the toilet. Hey slapdicks, Tony Romo going down had nothing to do with you guys missing the playoffs this year. You know why? Because teams that suck at football don’t play in January no matter how much hype they get before the season.

Miami +1.5 @ Cincinnati  - Carson Palmer is not back. Don’t listen to anyone tell you he is. They are lying and don’t have your best interest in mind. He still stinks, he just stunk a little less for one game. Remember that.

Carolina @ St. Louis -3

Nothing says celebration like a middle aged midwestern woman wearing a marshall faulk jersey cracking her skull on cement, nothing.

Tennessee @ San Diego -3.5 - I hate San Diego this year. They should be good but they arent, yet I keep taking them. Come on Norv, just be all the way bad and start losing games by 50 like Josh McDaniels. Say what you want about Josh McDaniels but at least the guy knows how to lose football games.


Tampa Bay +3 @ Arizona  - Save yourself the three hours and just look at this picture every 10-15 minutes. Same thing.

Minnesota @ New England -5 - Fuck you Favre, honestly, Fuck you. Its not enough that we have to talk about your retirement, and your dick pics, and your grittiness but now we have to talk about your injuries too? I would say I’m sick of Brett Favre but that would be the understatement of the year. Brett Favre reminds me of the snail from Always Sunny. Someone pour some salt on that asshole, maybe that will do the trick.

Pittsburgh @ New Orleans -1 - Big Ben, you’re such a dickhead. Not good enough to come back and pretend to be humble, now you have to cheat to win games. Good thing you have to face an angry Sean Payton/Drew Brees. Won’t be so hot when Payton onside kicks 17 times in your eyeball will ya?

Last Week - 8-7

Season - 44-57-4

Totals - 8-4

Enjoy your sunday.


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