Pro Tip - When Robbing A Store Don’t Post Your Loot On Facebook So That The Cops Can Easily Arrest You

An 18-year-old Pittsburgh man is accused of burglarizing a market with three teens, then posted pictures on his Facebook page showing the suspects mugging with some of the loot.

Isaiah Cutler who has been jailed since Friday in the Dec. 12 burglary. Online court records don’t list an attorney for him.

Police say Cutler, a 17-year-old and two 14-year-olds stole more than $8,000 worth of cash, cigarettes, candy and checks from the business. About an hour later, police say, Cutler posted pictures of the teens posing with the loot on his page on the social networking site.

The younger suspects have been charged in juvenile court and been released to their parents.

Cutler faces a preliminary hearing Wednesday on charges of theft, burglary and conspiracy.

This is like one of those philosophical thought experiments like “If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?”. If Isiah Cutler robs a store and doesn’t post it on facebook, will anyone think he’s a baller? See how that works. I’m not saying Isaiah’s hands are tied but at the same time how can you not post your stolen goods on facebook? That’s what facebook is for. To get hot bitches at the risk of incriminating yourself in a felony. Isaiah’s just playing the game and unfortunately this time the game played him.

2 comments - Latest by:

  • Shirt off adds a nice touch

    - Anonymous
  • What a badass

    - rooster

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Ohio Man Booed Off Karaoke Stage, Does The Only Sensible Thing And Starts Beating Everyone Up

(Source) A karaoke singer whose performance was met by a cascade of boos at an Ohio bar allegedly punched three people in the face after he was asked to leave the watering hole Tuesday night, police report.

Isiah Johnson, 20, was singing karaoke at Cabana Jack’s “when people started booing at him,” a bartender told cops. In response to the razzing, Johnson “threw down the microphone,” according to a Sandusky Police Department report.

At that point, Johnson, pictured in the above mug shot, was escorted from the bar. After returning, he was again asked to leave. That’s when Johnson allegedly began punching guys in the face (three men were hit, cops noted).

Johnson was eventually pinned to the ground by two other men until police arrived. He was “noticed to be under the influence of intoxicants,” reported cops who charged Johnson with three counts of assault, obstruction, resisting arrest, persistent disorderly conduct, intoxication, and underage consumption.

The police report does not indicate what song Johnson was allegedly butchering when the Cabana Jack’s crowd turned on him.


You fucking idiot Isiah Johnson. When I sing Karaoke I WANT people to boo me. You know why? Because if they’re booing you that means they care. That means you aren’t those totally funny girls at the christmas party that think it would be hilarious to sing Britney Spears. Or the old guy who still thinks Frank Sinatra is alive. Or the guy who can barely speak english who tries to rap Dr. Dre and ends up sounding like he swallowed 10,000 marbles.

I zone out literally every person at a Karaoke bar. Just background music. But to be booed and heckled? That’s a fucking compliment Isiah. Not a reason to start throwing right crosses and MMA’ing everyone in the joint. Grow up idiot.

Not telling us what song Isiah sang is absolutely killing me.

Sandusky Ohio has probably seen some better days huh?

2 comments - Latest by:

  • Was he wearing no shirt the entire time?

    - ej
  • Had to be a song that was too high, classic mistake

    - Anonymous

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Pro Tip - When Planning That Next Vacation Afghanistan Is Probably Not A Good Destination, Unless Of Course You Don’t Mind Being Kidnapped By The Taliban

(Source) The family of a Toronto man who was kidnapped by the Taliban in Afghanistan last year is trying to bring him home by reaching out to his captors themselves.

Brian Rutherford, whose brother Colin was taken hostage during a vacation to Afghanistan in November 2010, told CBC News his family hopes to get in touch with his captors to find a solution. They have set up two phone lines, one for Canada and one in Afghanistan, and an email address for this purpose.

“We want to talk to the people that have him,” he told the CBC’s John Lancaster. “We want them to get in contact with us so we can work something out.”

Rutherford’s mother, Wendy, said she understands the Canadian government has done all it can and, now, it’s up to the family.

“My goal is to bring Colin home,” she said.

Would you expect Canada’s help if in trouble abroad? Have your say.

In October, she dropped off her eldest son Colin for what was supposed to be a two-week vacation in Afghanistan. That was the last they heard from him.

On Nov. 4, 2010, police notified the Rutherford family that Colin was taken captive, his brother said.

“Around 10 at night, I got a knock on the door and it was a couple of police officers,” he said. “And my first reaction was ‘what did I do?’ right? They came in and informed me they had reason to believe Colin had been taken captive. Obviously I was in shock; I didn’t know what to do.”

Since then, there have been no demands or ransoms made by Rutherford’s abductors. But in May, the Taliban released a video of Colin, then 26 years old, giving brief answers to a man off-screen.

He said he was interested in “history and historical sites, old buildings, shrines” when he flew to Kabul in October 2010. When asked what his purpose was in Afghanistan, he replies, “I’m an auditor from Canada and I came as a tourist.”

In the email accompanying the release of the video in May, the Taliban threatened to put Rutherford on trial for espionage.

His family insists that this could not be further from the truth.

Wait, what the fuck does that mean? They dropped there son off for a 2 week vacation in Afghanistan? Huh? Since when did people think going on vacation in Afghanistan was a good idea? I mean I don’t want to sit here and say this kid deserved to get kidnapped because no one deserves to get kidnapped but come on, seriously? Was it between Afghanistan and Cabo? Because if it was I could have told you Senor Frogs in Cabo is about a billion times more fun than a Taliban Christmas party. There’s being curious and then there’s deciding to visit a country that has been at war for the last billion years and hates almost anyone from the western world spot on scene. I think this one falls into the latter.

2 comments - Latest by:

  • Just shitty luck I guess

    - Dirty Dog
  • I head Kabul is beautiful this time of year

    - Anonymous

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So I Guess We Now Know The Answer To The Question - What Happens When You Grab A Cop By The Dick And Don’t Let Go?

(Source) A Park Ridge police officer acted within reason when he beat a suspect who grabbed his groin and refused to let go, police commanders said.

Frank Slowik, 44, of Westmont was arrested early Dec. 15 outside Dominick’s, 1900 S. Cumberland Ave., said Park Ridge Police Lt. Duane Mellema.

Officers were called to the store at 3:20 a.m. for a report of a possible shoplifter and encountered a man, later identified as Slowik, running from a store employee.

Mellema said one of the police officers ran after Slowik, grabbed him and wrestled him to the ground.

As the officers tried to restrain him, Slowik grabbed a second officer’s groin and refused to let go, Mellema said. The officer then struck him several times in the face with his hand in an effort to get him to release his grip, Mellema said.

Slowik eventually let go, and was arrested and taken to Resurrection Medical Center in Chicago for treatment. A booking photo from the Cook County Jail shows bruises under both of his eyes and on the right side of his face.

Well I guess that settles that huh? Don’t grab a cop’s cock unless you want your face smashed into a million pieces. And you know what’s great, in a world where everyone cries police brutality at every turn,  not one person on planet earth will argue with this. You touch a Cops dick and or balls in an agressive manner and youre going to get your nose broken and eye sockets smashed every single time. That’s just life.

Dude’s got an abnormally sized head right? Its like Elaine’s head from Seinfeld. But instead of pigeon’s flying into it it’s a cop’s fist.

2 comments - Latest by:

  • Just a scratch

    - huey
  • Not enough ice packs in the entire world

    - Anonymous

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Germany Finds A New Way To Test Drugs For Deadly Diseases - Baby Foreskin

(Source) Researchers at the Fraunhofer Institute in Stuttgart recently created the “Skin Factory,” an advanced piece of lab equipment designed to use foreskin taken from babies to grow patches of human skin that can be used in the place of animals to test products, the German Herald reported.

According to a spokesman for the Institute, the groundbreaking equipment may be able to eliminate animal testing altogether and, if developed on a larger scale, could be useful in developing treatments for cancer, pigmentation diseases, and certain skin allergies.

So how does the miracle machine work? First, it’s heated to roughly 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, the temperature of the human body, according to the German news outlet The Local. Next, robotic hands meticulously extract cells from foreskins donated to the project, all samples of which must come from boys age four-and-under.

“The older skin is, the worse the cells function,” Andreas Traube, an engineer at the institute.

Scientists then take the cells extracted from the foreskin (one sample can provide up to 10 million cells) and incubate them inside tubes, where they multiply hundreds of times. The cells are then mixed with collagen and connective tissue to create skin about 5 millimeters thick. All in all, Traube explained, the process takes about six weeks — about the same amount of time it takes skin to grow naturally.

“We can’t use the machine to speed up the process; biology needs time to take its course,” Traube told the The Local.

At least one organization within Germany has already expressed measured approval for the machine.

And this whole time we in America have been lab testing like fucking idiots. Running around with mice and pigs and goats and what not. How silly. Germany has it figured out. You want to test out new drugs there’s only one way to roll. Baby Dicks. God damnit. This whole time it was right in our face. Baby Dicks. I for one am ashamed.

What do you think the holiday party at the foreskin factory is like? Shit probably gets real weird.

Do you think before you walk into the “Skin Factory” there’s a sign that all the employees touch. Sort of like Notre Dame’s “Play Like a Champion” except at the Skin Factory it says “Rub the Lotion”

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Latest Winner Of Headline Of The Year - Man Dies After Eating Cocaine Out Of Brother’s Butt Crack

A South Carolina man’s brother died after police said he was forced to eat cocaine hidden in his brother’s backside.Both brothers were taken into custody on allegations they had drugs in their car.But police told Charleston, S.C., TV station WCIV there were additional drugs hidden in 23-year-old Deangelo Mitchell’s backside.Officers said Deangelo Mitchell convinced his brother, 20-year-old Wayne Mitchell, to swallow the ounce of cocaine to hide the evidence. He died soon afterward.”It’s sickening,” North Charleston Police Chief Jon Zumalt told WCIV. “I got upset when I saw the thing. I was pretty shocked on it.”Deangelo Mitchell already bonded out of jail on the drug charge, but now police are looking for him again on charges of involuntary manslaughter.

Well you know how they always say every cloud has a silver lining. Well I think the silver lining here is that everyone now has the answer to the question “what is the worst way to die”. Most of the time people will come up with drowning. Or being lit on fire. Or falling off a building. Nope. That’s child play. The worst way to die is eating coke out of your brother’s asshole. Game set match butt coke.

h/t @cubbieblue17

3 comments - Latest by:

  • You should probably h/t yesterday’s Span This.

    - Cicero
  • Brotherly love at its finest

    - dubya
  • Holy shit

    - Anonymous

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These Super Young Retirement Savers Will Make You Feel Awful About Yourself

So I stumbled on this article about kids that started saving when they were real young. Basically an entire article meant to make everyone who has no money feel absolutely terrible about themselves. Well in the words of Lee Corso, not so fast my friends.

(Source) Older Americans who haven’t saved enough for retirement could learn a lesson or two from these young retirement savers — they’ve already socked thousands of dollars away for their golden years.


Age: 14
Age started saving: 10
Amount saved: $10,000
Hometown: Houston, TX

One day I saw my dad trading on eTrade. It looked interesting so I wanted to do it. I had always saved my allowance money and birthday money, and the first thing I bought was Apple stock — when shares were only $100.

I now have an eTrade account and a Scottrade account. In addition to Apple, I’ve also invested in other stocks like Google, Microsoft and Rim. I have some money in a savings account, too. But most of the money I plan to use for retirement is invested in stocks.

This January, the New York Stock Exchange was sponsoring a competition where the challenge was to create something to teach other kids how to save and invest. I decided to make an iPhone app called Oink-a-Saurus targeted at kids and teens who want to learn ways to save money, and I ended up winning first place.

I want to help other kids learn to save and invest more responsibly. The current generation cannot rely on Social Security, so we have to save for our own retirement and can’t depend on that.

When I was 7 years old, all the kids would get trophies whether they won or lost and I thought they were worthless. I asked my mom, who would actually pay for the trophies and how much they cost. When she said they were $10 apiece and parents paid for their child’s trophy, I asked if I could keep the $10 to save in a bank account instead of receiving the trophy.

I’m not planning on spending most of the money I have invested for a very, very long time. I’m not that scared about investing most of it in stocks, because when you’re a kid it’s not that big of a deal if you lose a little money — you still have time to get it back.

Way to really take some risks there Fabian. Google, Microsoft and RIM? What were you just not feeling Nike, Mastercard and Home Depot that day? Give me a break. You want to make money you need to find one of those Boiler Room type schemes. Go work for JT Marlin make your paper and get out. Your 10 stocks of Apple and cute little I-phone contests aren’t doing shit.


Have you ever seen a more smug asshole than Fabian. He’s going to “teach” other kids. Fuck you dude, you’re not better than me. And even if you are better than me you’re definitely not stronger than me. Boom, point Big Cat.


“when you’re a kid it’s not that big of a deal if you lose a little money — you still have time to get it back”

This is what I’ve been saying to myself every NFL Sunday for the past decade.


Age: 17
Age started saving: 16
Amount saved: $3,000
Hometown: Great Falls, VA

I’m only $3,000 in so far, but 20 more years of doing this and it will be pretty substantial. When I’m sitting on something like that, I can maybe step out of the workforce at a younger age or I can do something that I love that wouldn’t otherwise give me sufficient income.

I’m a senior in high school and I got a job a year and a half ago at a restaurant. During the summer, I work four days a week. And during the school year, I work two to three nights a week.

My parents and I opened a bank account, and I started putting all my paychecks and half my tips away. The other half of my tips I’ll spend on things like gas and food. The tips are harder to put away because they’re cash, right there in front of me. But the rest of it goes in the bank account and I think of it as untouchable.

3 Grand??? NO fucking way man. Big spender Tommy in the House. Hey Tommy, here’s a little secret. You’re about to go to college and find out a couple of things. Namely drinking beer and chasing girls is a lot of fun. And guess what Tommy, that shit ain’t free. I give you the end of the first semester, tops.

Continue reading “These Super Young Retirement Savers Will Make You Feel Awful About Yourself” »

5 comments - Latest by:

  • Everyone named Fabian is a total douche.

    - Jay Fabian
  • “Sometimes my parents will match what I make”-Oh gee, I wish I got paid double every fucking time I got paid for something. Grace is well of because here parents are fucking rich, she had $300,000 whether she saved it or not I’d bet. Fuck you grace, I’ll hate fuck you all day and night, but that’s about it.

    - Sex Panther
  • Fabian can go f himself

    - dynamo
  • $300,000 as a “mother’s helper”, babysitter and cashier at Abercrombie? This girl better get investigated by the IRS.
    Also, (checking age) she’s hot.

    - Schwa
  • Slow Clap. That was great.

    - Tan Man

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Man Arrested For Playing Wal-Mart Bumper Cars At 230 Am

(Source) An early morning game of drunken bumper cars-using Walmart handicap scooters-was broken up Saturday morning by Louisiana cops who arrested a 22-year-old man who copped to driving to the store while intoxicated.

Officers with the West Monroe Police Department arrived at the Walmart around 2:30 AM in response to a call about a disturbance. Store management told cops that a group of intoxicated suspects were “playing ‘bumper cars’ with the handicap scooters in the store,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

A police sergeant contacted Christopher Butler, who appeared “very intoxicated.” Butler, pictured at right, admitted driving his 2004 Ford truck to the retailer after consuming “five to six beers.” A subsequent Breathalyzer recorded Butler’s blood alcohol content as .133 (the legal limit is .08).

Butler’s fellow bumper car enthusiasts apparently escaped arrest.

I’m legitimately jealous of these guys. Drunk bumper carts at Wal-Mart sounds like an awesome time. Wal-Mart was built for this. Its not like a regular grocery store where the aisles are narrow and you have to go nuts to butts with a soccer mom just to get some taco shells. This is Wal-Mart. The Daytona of grocery store bumper cars. No restrictor plates. No rules. Rubbins racin.

That whole telling the cops you drove shitfaced to drive shitface inside Wal-Mart. Probably not the best idea.

1 comment - Latest by:

  • Special Tires

    - Tan Man

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