Contest Time!

12 you funny kid Contest Time!

So, I’m not going to lie, I think all of you readers out there are WAY too quiet and honestly not bringing enough to the table. What’s up with this 0 comments per post nonsense?!? Honestly.

Here’s the deal- I’m creating a contest: basically, all you have to do is write witty comments. We’ll pick the best comment from each post during the day and announce it each night. THEN, over the weekend the winners get put into a randomizer and BAM! we’ve got ourselves a weekly champion. All you have to do is be clever… It doesn’t even have to relate to the post.

Prizes are TBD but they won’t be less than a t-shirt.

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Spanish Woman Claims She Now Owns The Sun

spanish Spanish Woman Claims She Now Owns The Sun

(AFP) - After billions of years the Sun finally has an owner — a woman from Spain’s soggy region of Galicia said Friday she had registered the star at a local notary public as being her property.

Angeles Duran, 49, told the online edition of daily El Mundo she took the step in September after reading about an American man who had registered himself as the owner of the moon and most planets in our solar system.

There is an international agreement which states that no country may claim ownership of a planet or star, but it says nothing about individuals, she added.

“There was no snag, I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first.”

The document issued by the notary public declares Duran to be the “owner of the Sun, a star of spectral type G2, located in the centre of the solar system, located at an average distance from Earth of about 149,600,000 kilometers.”

Duran, who lives in the town of Salvaterra do Mino, said she now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun and give half of the proceeds to the Spanish government and 20 percent to the nation’s pension fund.

Well this day officially sucks. Its not bad enough that its the first day after vacation and I want to kill myself now I have to deal with this fucking wack a doo from Spain telling me she owns the sun. Fuck that noise. I’m not paying rent on the sun, no fucking way. The sun is overrated anyway. Thing doesn’t even do anything, just sits there and acts all hot. Maybe if the sun entertained my ass I would consider throwing some skrilla down, kind of like a pay per view movie, but under the sun’s current entertainment package I’m passing. Just not worth it. I’ll find a cave and hang out with my old friend evan. Smashing x-boxes, sucking daffy duck’s dick, you know, regular teen werewolf shit.


You’d think the owner of the Sun would be a tan bombshell from a beach resort. Kind of ironic that its some dried up chap stick from Seattle Spain.

4 comments - Latest by:

  • What the fuck, Evan?!?!?!.. I would’ve taken the XBox off your hands.. Go make your eyes glow red and get me a keg of beer..

    - Shamalama Ding-Dong
  • YEP!!! She didn’t factor in it’s negative externalities. Class action law-suit!

    - G
  • I’m okay to pay rent to this lady so long as she pays for the skin cancer treatment that her sun causes. Only fair right?

    - LOS
  • Evan probably gets a lot of women

    - Anonymous

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Yup, I’m Never Having Children…

Although this kid kind of takes after my own heart. I don’t like to read either kid, only difference is when I don’t want to read I go watch TV and when you don’t want to read you poop in books. Potato, Potatoe.

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Colorado Man Robs Home, Only Takes Soap And Also Gets Arrested Hiding In The Attic

COLORADO – A man faces burglary charges after allegedly breaking into a home and hiding in the attic.

Officers responded to a home on Golden Hills Road in Colorado Springs shortly before 9:00 p.m. Saturday for a call for a possible burglary.

When they arrived the homeowner told them that they had heard noises coming from the attic, which was accessible from the garage.

Officers searched the attic and found 47-year-old Troy Tutza hiding there and took him into custody.

Officers said Tutza had a bar of soap shaped like a bear with him in the attic. The homeowner told officers that the bar of soap was similar to soap inside of the home, which indicated that Tutza was inside the main area of the house.

Officers also say that Tutza matches the description of a person who was reportedly seen looking into yards in the neighborhood earlier in the afternoon. Police say he will be charged with burglary.

The investigation is continuing.

Whats up with this bear shaped soap? Like I couldnt fuck about the burglary or the news story in general but I need some more information about this soap. It has to be some form of special soap right? I mean you don’t go into a house to steal jewelry and electronics and somehow only end up with a bear shaped soap. That doesnt just happen.

So clearly Troy Tutza knows something we don’t. He was in that house for one thing and one thing only, that bar of soap. He zigged when everyone else would’ve zagged, and for that, he has captured my curiosity.


I love this line

The homeowner told officers that the bar of soap was similar to soap inside of the home

If someone robbed soap from my house I would have a 0% chance of being able to identify the soap. Soap is soap,  theres no way I would be able to tell if it was at one point in my home. I have no attention to details like that. You would never hear me saying “yup officer, that’s my warm cherry berry soap balls that i got from bed bath and beyond just last week, I would recognize that soap anywhere”. Fuck no, I’d just be like, sure I think that was mine but if the guy really wants it that bad I can go to Walgreens and get myself some more.


Then again, Ive never owned bear shaped soap and that’s kind of a game changer.

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The Funniest 3 Seconds Of Your Day


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Relax Pillow…

Jesus christ pillow, take it easy man, play a little hard to get for once.

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Man Hides From Cops In Woods, Covers Himself Head To Toe In Mud

A St. Augustine man faces charges after he ran from deputies and covered his body in mud while hiding in the woods, according to a St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office report.

Deputies met with Brian Breeze Croton in a parking lot between a McDonald’s and a Gate convenience store on State Road 16 near Interstate 95 on Tuesday to discuss the details of a theft, the report said. Croton, 31, was a witness to a theft complaint filed on Sept. 10.

Deputies realized that Croton had a warrant out for his arrest on failure to appear, grand theft and driving on a suspended license charges after running his name on computers, the report said. Sheriff’s Office dispatch confirmed the warrant, and deputies arrested Croton.

He allegedly told deputies that he first needed to speak with his father, who has Crohn’s disease. Since he was being cooperative, deputies decided to uncuff Croton and allow him to make a phone call from a nearby pay phone with the caution that, if he “did anything crazy,” he would be facing additional charges, the report said.

As soon as the handcuffs were removed, Croton fled behind the convenience store and into the wooded area, the report said. Deputies chased him and called for backup. They followed his footprints into the woods and within 20 minutes found Croton hiding under some tree roots with mud “smeared all over him from head to toe,” the report.

Croton was transported to the St. Johns County jail and faces charges of escape.

I love Brian Breeze Croton’s hustle here. Just a balls to the wall effort to do everything in his power to not go to jail. And how about faking your own dad’s illness to get away from the cops in the first place. I think you have to file that under “don’t hate the playa hate the game”. Because as cold hearted and karmically flawed that move may be, it worked. We are a results driven society, and Brian Breeze is delivering results.

It just sucks that Brian here was running from the regular Cops and not Predator. Its like he was over prepared. Can you really blame him for that? Maybe its just the K-9 unit looking for his ass 100 yards from the parking lot he just fled from, or maybe its an alien from the South American jungle that hunts humans. You just never know with these things and you can never be too careful.


Whats with the middle name Breeze? Is that a nickname? A stripper name? How does one go about getting that, because to be honest, I kind of want it for myself.

3 comments - Latest by:

  • he went rambo on them.

    - mt
  • Definitely a stripper name

    - Kev
  • Have to respect the mud move. Breeze is obviously a man who has seen, and respects the work of Dutch.

    - Bones Blvd

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Kid Wipes Out On Desk Chair

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No guts no glory dude. That’s heart, determination, and a whole lot of uncoordinated desk chair ability right there.


You got smoked by the tomboy that hangs out with the crew, embarrassing.

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Fuck That Real Chicken, We’re In A Recession, Gotta Squeeze Those Pennies

2 comments - Latest by:

  • Pork’s even cheaper… that’s scary.

    - G
  • regular chicken costs nothing!
    meatless or “chicken” for $3.70. where can i get this goodness?

    - joe

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Little Kid Writes Home From Camp

Dear Josh,

Happy to hear that you took care of that rash, sucks when you can’t run because your dick itches, I’ve been there bro.

As for the “eggs” thing. I’m going to have to side with your friends (doubt any of them are really your friends). That shit is really fucking annoying and I hate it too. So either you stop saying eggs all the time and chill out at camp like the rest of us or I’m going to have to do some karate on your 6 year old ass. You decide.


Big Cat


That goes for writing the word eggs too. You write that shit one more time and youre getting a one way ticket on the Pain Train.

1 comment - Latest by:

  • Eggs aint an easy word to say. I feel ya kid.

    - DrewSmello

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