Oh How The Mighty Have Fallen

What happened Toine? Wheres the shake? Wheres the swagger? Wheres the wiggle? Watching Antoine Walker be all fat and embarrassing makes for the Worst. Day. Ever


I saw Toine at the corner market near his house in chicago and I gave him one of those heads up like “Yo toine, I can hang, we should hang, kick it, whatever”. And he gave me a nod back like “For sure Big Cat, fo sho”.*

*He actually just looked at me like I had a dick hanging off my forehead and walked out but I like my version a lot better.

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  • Sad sad day

    - Anonymous

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Stephon Marbury Is Ready For Basketball

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Look at Starbury get up that hill fast as fuck. And he only fell once! Pretty fucking good for a hill that looked like Everest Jr. to me. Someone better sign his ass before its too late and he becomes a professional mountain climber instead of professional basketball player.


I still don’t understand why his line of sneakers never took off. Guy is the premiere athlete of our time.

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  • I hope the heat sign him so he ruins their entire team

    - Frank and Beans

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This Whole Carmelo Anthony Fiasco Is Lebron’s Fault

Readers of THG,

In the event that you are unaware, me and my buddy Eric are transplanted Denver fans. We had this conversation this morning (Mark is our friend who’s a Knicks fan):

me: if carmelo goes to the knicks, I am gonna mail lebron james feces, egg madison square garden, and mail mark forged positive herpes test results every week until one of us dies

Eric: i heard on espn last night that it isnt a question of if but when

me: I really do blame lebron

Eric:  how come

me:  because Carmelo has always been second fiddle to lebron, in high school AAU, in the draft, ROY, etc.  and he sees lebron doing it and he wants to copy him and lebron already took all the heat for being a dbag this year
next year, or whenever it is, it will just be like, “oh this is how the nba is now, stars are friends and want to play together”

Eric:  yea but then again, its the NBA who really cares

me:  I do, I care

I f’n love the nuggets.  I’m going to tell my parents to flee the city if he leaves, because it will most certainly burn.  I might even start the fire

Am I being unreasonable in directing my hatred towards LeBron rather than Carmelo? Carmelo is the one who’s basically saying he wants out, now rather than next summer.  And here is the thing: I appreciate him saying he wants out now.  I do not want to go through the year Cleveland fans did (although some of them might argue we deserve far worse in Denver by virtue of Johnny “Brett Favre may hold my records, but he can’t hold my jockstrap” Elway’s treatment of Cleveland over the years), and it’s possible we could get something decent in return (Chris Wallace is still the GM of Memphis, right? Or maybe we could get Ricky Rubio from David Kahn in Minneapolis?  There are enough bad GMs in the NBA that we should be able to make something work.).

But at the end of the day, I’ve gotta go back to what I said to Eric: if LeBron didn’t make this first move, I don’t think Carmelo makes the move.

Making matters worse, I can’t see Carmelo participating in anything like that…thing…D-Wade, Bosh, and LeBron did in Miami where they were dancing around, nodding excessively and smiling like idiots (especially LeBron).  Which in turn would make it that much easier to hate him, like that must have done for Cleveland fans.

The worst part of this right now is that I am looking at the possibility of the biggest stars in Denver being our 3rd string quarterback (Tim Tebow), the guy who owns Elway’s Steakhouse, and Chauncey Billups.  And again: I blame LeBron.  I’ve heard Big Cat say that he would probably root for the Lakers if they were playing the Heat in the Finals, and I never thought I could agree w/ that sentiment, especially after the 2009 Western Conference Finals, but I swear to god if/when we lose Carmelo, LeBron James will become my biggest enemy.  If this were a just world, Kobe would be in jail, LeBron would still be in Cleveland, and either Orlando or my Denver Nuggets would be the 2009 NBA champions.  Instead we’re in this fucked up universe where LeBron is in Miami, Kobe has won one less title than Jordan, and Carmelo is demanding a trade so he and Amare can chill.  Who’s benefitting from this? It’s enough to make me want to pull all my fucking hair out, like I did when I was 2 and my parents went out of town.  I already tried throwing a chair through the window but apparently the windows in my office are double-paned.  I feel like I just got a mound of chalk thrown in my eyes.  I feel like I need to watch Jim Sorgi’s game tape from last night on a loop while taking my talents to Miami violently, aggressively, and repeatedly in order to be able to pretend not to be pissed off.  Am I wrong here?

Your very angry pal,


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  • Just because one dip shit wrote a story, everybody is freaking the hell out. Anybody who instantly believes this story would have been a great German citizen in the late 40’s. There are other things pointing to him staying in Denver. First this is his twitter right now, “Funny how people come up with there own analysis of a situation. I tell you boy…….Unbelievable” Second he is putting his house on the market in Littleton. Ironically he has upgraded homes twice now and both times were near new contract signings. Believe me if my salary kept increasing so would my house size. He also has about 7 other places in Colorado. Third he can still sign the exact contract extension on June 30th 2011. Wouldn’t you want to make sure your team was doing the necessary things to build a championship squad before you inked your deal? Plus he can see what the new collective bargaining agreement looks like and see if he can possibly make more in future years. Fourth we will have a max contract deal to give out next year. So basically we will give Melo free reign on who he wants to bring in. Our team after next year, minus K mart, plus a max contract player, will be better than New York’s. Fifth Melo can sign a 3 year extension, putting him at the age of 29/30 upon completion. He then will be able to sign another 5 year max deal because he is 29/30. If he accepts a 5 year deal now, he will be 31/32 upon completion and nobody wants to sign a 31/32 year old to a 6 year max contract. Sixth I texted him yesterday and he replied “homie please. Why would I want to return to the east, when my only memories there is hard knock living and avoiding getting shot. Denver is my home for life, especially since I just got medical card”

    - special K
  • There still ain’t nothin like a biff rant. thoroughly entertaining. that ‘tough guy’ big cat better lock you up for a long term deal before you get caught up in a purple drank controversy down in the district.

    - Mike

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So Now D-Wade Is An Asshole Too?

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You know I always had the sneaking suspicion D-Wade was a dick, now I guess we don’t have to wonder anymore. First he divorces his wife, then he signs a deal with the devil (lebron) and now he goes around crushing little kid’s dreams. Just throwing cheeseburgers with extra mayo right back in their face for no reason. I think he even told that first kid he was adopted after he stuffed the shit out of him. I bet he parks in handicap spots at the mall and only takes a penny out of the give a penny take a penny jar at the gas station too.

At this point I hate the Heat so much that if the Heat play the Lakers in the championship I will be forced to root for Kobe Bryant. Either that or I’ll just hide under my bed for 2 weeks and pretend the whole thing never happened.

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Ok, Now I Just Feel Bad For Pitino

HAHAHA. Just kidding. No I don’t.

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  • Talk about embarassing, jesus.

    - JD

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Rick Pitino Is Not Exactly An Italian Stallion In Bed

Wow, who would have thought that old Rick was a 2 pump chump. I for one am shocked. Usually like that act like flashy assholes all the time, trying to overcompensate for their love making inabilities. I just never thought that was Rick. He always seemed so down to earth, never drawing attention to himself.

I mean look at the guy, does he seem like someone that would be overcompensating for something by the way he dresses and acts?

Oh well, I guess life is full of surprises.


Is that the worst sexual performance of all time? 15 seconds? I mean come on Rick, at least go half a minute, then youre stepping into the realm of respectability.

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MJ Weighs In On Lebron’s Choice

Michael Jordan led the Chicago Bulls to six titles. And while he had Scottie Pippen, there is little question the Bulls were Jordan’s team. So what does Jordan, one of the best-ever in the NBA, think of LeBron James joining with All-Stars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh to form a super team in Miami?

“There’s no way, with hindsight, I would’ve ever called up Larry, called up Magic and said, ‘Hey, look, let’s get together and play on one team,’ ” Jordan said after playing in a celebrity golf tournament in Nevada. “But that’s … things are different. I can’t say that’s a bad thing. It’s an opportunity these kids have today. In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys.”

Pretty sure MJ just called Lebron a gigantic pussy. He probably flashed that patented MJ smile too, the one where he is basically saying I’m the greatest basketball player ever, you know it, I know it, and the whole world knows it.

Except this time it was an even bigger smile because Lebron was the only guy who could make an immediate run at MJ’s legacy and now that ship has sailed. Lebron wants to be friends with his competition, MJ would stop at nothing to kick the shit out of his opponents. Thats the difference between the two right there.

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  • Lebron can have fun playing with his buddies. He dropped himself a few notches in my book, and I used to like him too. He’ll never be Jordan, Kobe, Bird, Hakeem, Magic, etc.

    - Meatman
  • PWNED.

    “He’ll never be Jordan. “This clearly takes him out of the conversation. He can win as much as he wants to.” - Sir Charles

    - BDUB

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Clippers Sign Vinny Del Negro

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The Los Angeles Clippers have reached an agreement in principle with Vinny Del Negro to become the team’s head coach.

The team said Tuesday night in an e-mail that more details would be announced Wednesday.

Good to see the Clippers Finally got one right. I mean any time you can lock up a guy with virtually no coaching experience who is leaving a situation where he was universally hated you have to do it right?

So good luck Clips. Have fun watching a guy try hard but have no clue what he is doing on a nightly basis. Then again it probably won’t be any different than Mike Dunleavy, although VDN does wear nicer suits.

I would have given anything to be in that interview. How the fuck did Vinny sell them as a head coach? Actually I know how he did. He just said, I’m not Dwayne Casey, boom, hired.

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  • good riddance VDN, o/u years in Lala land 2.5

    - Jeezy

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Breaking News - Wade and Bosh To Sign With Miami Heat

ESPN - Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh are teaming up together on the Miami Heat, according to a person with knowledge of the situation.

ESPN’s Shelley Smith also reported the pending move through independent sources.

Whether LeBron James, the kingpin of this summer’s celebrated free agent class, will join them remains to be seen. James will announce his decision Thursday night at 9 ET during a one-hour special on ESPN.

Wade and Bosh are expected to announce their decision on Wednesday, according to the source.

James or not, the Heat could emerge as one of the top teams in the Eastern Conference with Wade and Bosh aboard. Wade, who led the Heat to the NBA title in 2006, is re-signing with the club, while Bosh will leave the Toronto Raptors after seven years with the club.

Both players are expected to get the maximum amount allowable under the league’s collective bargaining agreement, though the addition of James could change the players’ salaries. Contracts cannot be officially signed until July 8.

It was not immediately clear whether Bosh will sign with Miami outright or join the Heat through a sign-and-trade deal. Bosh could earn $125 million over six years via sign-and-trade, but only $96 million over five without it.

Well this doesn’t come as a complete shocker. I think when everyone ran down the possible scenarios for this summer the most likely outcome was Wade and Bosh pairing up in some fashion. I do think Wade was closer than people think to coming to Chicago but in the end he had to stay in Miami. Signing with the Heat gives him an extra 30 million, which makes a big difference when you’re in the middle of a messy divorce.

As for Bosh, my guess is his first choice was always to play with Lebron in NY, New Jersey, or Chicago but Lebron refused to leave. When it became apparent that he couldn’t persuade Lebron to another destination his next best option was to join Wade down in South Beach. Bosh finally gets what he wants, money and to be play for a contender, not to mention going from Toronto to Miami is a pretty big lifestyle upgrade. The big question for this deal is whether or not Miami can work out the sign and trade. If they can they will have a lot of flexibility finding veterans and role players, if they can’t the Michael Beasley experiment trudges on. Either way this team is an instant contender in the East along with Boston, Orlando, and wherever Lebron signs.

What does this mean for the Bulls?

Looks like it is all or nothing now for the Bulls, either Lebron is coming or they miss out on all the big free agents with only Carlos Boozer left to sign somewhere. Pretty big disappointment if that’s the case considering every expert had the Bulls as the frontrunner to land at least 2 of the Big 3 free agents. I still think adding Boozer will make the Bulls are a very good team but no Lebron, no Wade, and no Bosh definitely is a kick in the groin for Chicago.

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  • Still plenty out there for Chicago. A front court of Boozer and Noah with Lee of the bench would be quality.

    - BW
  • True, but when you clear as much cap space as the Bulls combined with the free agents available, its still a big dissapoinment

    - Hank Baskett
  • Honestly, you guys have nothing to complain about. David Kahn is not your GM, and you actually have a promising player or two on your roster.

    - Jay
  • Boozer and Reddick would not be terrible, Lee and Korver would be a disaster.

    - Big Cat
  • Boozer and Reddick, Lee and Korver . . . I think I’m going to throw up. And this means that no one yet looks better than LA.

    - Meatman

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Are Knicks Fans Seriously Happy About Getting Amare?

NEW YORK — The New York Knicks reached an agreement in principle Monday with free agent Amare Stoudemire after receiving assurances it would not be an impediment to their pursuit of LeBron James.

The All-Star forward will receive a five-year, $99.7 million contract that will reunite him with coach Mike D’Antoni.

Stoudemire’s agent, Happy Walters, said last week there was a “structure of an offer on the table,” but no actual offer was put forth by the Knicks until they met with Stoudemire at Madison Square Garden on Monday afternoon. The deal cannot be signed until Thursday.

I get that Amare is the best player the Knicks have had in a long time and the fact that he is a perennial all star and great offensive big, but do Knicks fans really think Amare is the answer?

Injury issues aside, which with Amare is tough to do considering his long list of ailments, you’re not winning a championship if Amare Stoudemire is the best player on your team. Yes he is a force going to the hoop and he has a great mid-range game but how much of his offensive production can be attributed to Steve Nash? Nash is better than anyone in the game at getting players easy buckets going towards the rim. Look at Sean Marion after he left the Suns, he basically fell off the face of the earth. Add in the fact that Amare doesn’t play defense and I just wonder if this move will do anything besides get the Knicks 35-40 wins a year and a low seed in the East.

Now if New York can swing another guy then I understand the move but I just don’t see them landing another big free agent. Wade and Bosh are going to Miami, Lebron is going to Clev or Chicago and Joe Johnson is staying in Atlanta, and I think the Knicks know this and that is why they HAD to get Amare now. It would have been a disaster to come out of free agency with nothing. So they got what they could, it just won’t equal a championship in MSG anytime soon.

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  • I agree but Its the best player they’ve had in forever.

    - frank and beans

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