Yup, I’m Never Having Children…

Although this kid kind of takes after my own heart. I don’t like to read either kid, only difference is when I don’t want to read I go watch TV and when you don’t want to read you poop in books. Potato, Potatoe.

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Colorado Man Robs Home, Only Takes Soap And Also Gets Arrested Hiding In The Attic

COLORADO – A man faces burglary charges after allegedly breaking into a home and hiding in the attic.

Officers responded to a home on Golden Hills Road in Colorado Springs shortly before 9:00 p.m. Saturday for a call for a possible burglary.

When they arrived the homeowner told them that they had heard noises coming from the attic, which was accessible from the garage.

Officers searched the attic and found 47-year-old Troy Tutza hiding there and took him into custody.

Officers said Tutza had a bar of soap shaped like a bear with him in the attic. The homeowner told officers that the bar of soap was similar to soap inside of the home, which indicated that Tutza was inside the main area of the house.

Officers also say that Tutza matches the description of a person who was reportedly seen looking into yards in the neighborhood earlier in the afternoon. Police say he will be charged with burglary.

The investigation is continuing.

Whats up with this bear shaped soap? Like I couldnt fuck about the burglary or the news story in general but I need some more information about this soap. It has to be some form of special soap right? I mean you don’t go into a house to steal jewelry and electronics and somehow only end up with a bear shaped soap. That doesnt just happen.

So clearly Troy Tutza knows something we don’t. He was in that house for one thing and one thing only, that bar of soap. He zigged when everyone else would’ve zagged, and for that, he has captured my curiosity.


I love this line

The homeowner told officers that the bar of soap was similar to soap inside of the home

If someone robbed soap from my house I would have a 0% chance of being able to identify the soap. Soap is soap,  theres no way I would be able to tell if it was at one point in my home. I have no attention to details like that. You would never hear me saying “yup officer, that’s my warm cherry berry soap balls that i got from bed bath and beyond just last week, I would recognize that soap anywhere”. Fuck no, I’d just be like, sure I think that was mine but if the guy really wants it that bad I can go to Walgreens and get myself some more.


Then again, Ive never owned bear shaped soap and that’s kind of a game changer.

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The Funniest 3 Seconds Of Your Day


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Relax Pillow…

Jesus christ pillow, take it easy man, play a little hard to get for once.

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Man Hides From Cops In Woods, Covers Himself Head To Toe In Mud

A St. Augustine man faces charges after he ran from deputies and covered his body in mud while hiding in the woods, according to a St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office report.

Deputies met with Brian Breeze Croton in a parking lot between a McDonald’s and a Gate convenience store on State Road 16 near Interstate 95 on Tuesday to discuss the details of a theft, the report said. Croton, 31, was a witness to a theft complaint filed on Sept. 10.

Deputies realized that Croton had a warrant out for his arrest on failure to appear, grand theft and driving on a suspended license charges after running his name on computers, the report said. Sheriff’s Office dispatch confirmed the warrant, and deputies arrested Croton.

He allegedly told deputies that he first needed to speak with his father, who has Crohn’s disease. Since he was being cooperative, deputies decided to uncuff Croton and allow him to make a phone call from a nearby pay phone with the caution that, if he “did anything crazy,” he would be facing additional charges, the report said.

As soon as the handcuffs were removed, Croton fled behind the convenience store and into the wooded area, the report said. Deputies chased him and called for backup. They followed his footprints into the woods and within 20 minutes found Croton hiding under some tree roots with mud “smeared all over him from head to toe,” the report.

Croton was transported to the St. Johns County jail and faces charges of escape.

I love Brian Breeze Croton’s hustle here. Just a balls to the wall effort to do everything in his power to not go to jail. And how about faking your own dad’s illness to get away from the cops in the first place. I think you have to file that under “don’t hate the playa hate the game”. Because as cold hearted and karmically flawed that move may be, it worked. We are a results driven society, and Brian Breeze is delivering results.

It just sucks that Brian here was running from the regular Cops and not Predator. Its like he was over prepared. Can you really blame him for that? Maybe its just the K-9 unit looking for his ass 100 yards from the parking lot he just fled from, or maybe its an alien from the South American jungle that hunts humans. You just never know with these things and you can never be too careful.


Whats with the middle name Breeze? Is that a nickname? A stripper name? How does one go about getting that, because to be honest, I kind of want it for myself.

5 comments - Latest by:

  • do you people really not have any more information to have to make fun of someones name wow way to be lame guys.

    - Anonymous
  • not to stick up for him but his father does have crohns disease and his mom and dad gave him the middle name breeze. i know this because he is a member of my family.

    - Anonymous
  • he went rambo on them.

    - mt
  • Definitely a stripper name

    - Kev
  • Have to respect the mud move. Breeze is obviously a man who has seen, and respects the work of Dutch.

    - Bones Blvd

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Kid Wipes Out On Desk Chair

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No guts no glory dude. That’s heart, determination, and a whole lot of uncoordinated desk chair ability right there.


You got smoked by the tomboy that hangs out with the crew, embarrassing.

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Fuck That Real Chicken, We’re In A Recession, Gotta Squeeze Those Pennies

2 comments - Latest by:

  • Pork’s even cheaper… that’s scary.

    - G
  • regular chicken costs nothing!
    meatless or “chicken” for $3.70. where can i get this goodness?

    - joe

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Little Kid Writes Home From Camp

Dear Josh,

Happy to hear that you took care of that rash, sucks when you can’t run because your dick itches, I’ve been there bro.

As for the “eggs” thing. I’m going to have to side with your friends (doubt any of them are really your friends). That shit is really fucking annoying and I hate it too. So either you stop saying eggs all the time and chill out at camp like the rest of us or I’m going to have to do some karate on your 6 year old ass. You decide.


Big Cat


That goes for writing the word eggs too. You write that shit one more time and youre getting a one way ticket on the Pain Train.

1 comment - Latest by:

  • Eggs aint an easy word to say. I feel ya kid.

    - DrewSmello

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