Week 3 NFL Picks

Before we get going on the picks this week I just wanted to point out a little fact. Last week the underdogs went 10-5. What the Fuck? That shit is not supposed to happen until week 13 or 14 not week 2. Week 2 is supposed to be fairly predictable. Thankfully I’m a master at not only never admitting my faults but also deflecting all blame on to others. So the lesson as always is, its not my fault that I sucked, its the NFL’s. Fuck you NFL.

I didn’t really mean that, I love you with all my heart NFL, I just talk crazy sometimes.


Atlanta @ New Orleans -3.5 - Saints got lucky to escape with a W on Monday night and their defense looks vulnerable, but I just can’t bring myself to back Matt Ryan at the Superdome. I swear to god his line every week is the exact same 15-24, 205 yd, 1 td. No more matty ice, its matty “Anything over 8 yards is an incompletion”.

Buffalo @ New England -13.5 - The Pats played one of the worst second halves I have ever seen last week. If they duplicate that performance they will win by 3 touchdowns.

Pitt -2.5 @ Tampa Bay - Chaz Batch Alert. Chaz Batch Alert. I fucking love Chaz Batch. Something about him just screams NFL quarterback. Guy can throw lasers out there.

Sidenote- Did everyone know Ronde Barber was still in the league? That was a complete mindfuck. I guess I kind of assumed that he and Tiki retired together.

Sidenote 2 - Who wins in a smiling contest Hines Ward or Ronde? Those guys just love to play football.

Dallas @ Houston -3 - This has trap game written all over it but I don’t give a fuck. I watched the Cowboys play last week and they Stink. Jason Garret somehow went from the genius of offense to a 5 year old doodling with crayons in a matter of minutes. Must be all that time he’s been spending with Shit For Brains Phillips. Dumb is contagious people, be careful.

Cincinnati -3@ Carolina - Under Under Under. oh and can we all agree that Carson Palmer stinks. Thanks Keemo Von Olhoffen, thanks a lot.

San Fran -3 @ KC - Is Matt Cassell the best USC QB in the league right now? Has to be right. Leinart is taking beer bongs with some 18 year olds in SoCal, I don’t trust Sanchez, and we are already talked about Palmer. Carry the underwhelming overhyped torch Matt, carry it with pride.

Cleveland  @ Baltimore -10.5 -Honest question here, do the Browns score at all in this game? Like what would the over under for their points be? 3.5? I’d take the under.

Tennesse +3 @ NY Giants - I’m pretty sure everyone in the Giants locker room hates each other. Not one of them gets along. You just kind of get that vibe, which is strange because Eli Manning is such a magnanimous leader

Detroit +11 @ Minnesota - I love Detroit this year. They’ve gone from really bad to just pretty bad. There’s a big difference in that. Really bad teams get blown out by 4 touchdowns, pretty bad teams get backdoor covers week in and week out. This isn’t Dan Orlovsky’s Lions. This team is frisky.

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Philadelphia -3 @ Jacksonville  - Whaaaa Kevin Kolb’s feelings are hurt, he lost his job. Grow up people, guy probably doesnt even remember he was ever a quarterback.

Sidenote - Kudos to Andy Reid for making the right decision. Guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Washington -3.5 @ St Louis  - I don’t think Redskins fans will even watch this game. This has 13-6 written all over it.

Oakland +4.5 @ Arizona  - Frisky team number 2 right here. Bruce Gradkowski is like a poor man’s Jeff Garcia and I’ll take that any day of the week over that poopy pants Derek Anderson.

San Diego @ Seattle +5.5 - PETE CARROLL IS GOING TO BE 2-1. PETE CARROLL IS GOING TO BE 2-1!!!!!!

Indy -5.5 @ Denver  - Remember when the Colts and Broncos used to play each other in the first round of the playoffs every year and the Colts would win 42-14. Yeah I do too. If you have blue matching up against orange, I’m taking blue.

Ny Jets @ Miami -1.5 - Huge letdown game potential here. After their 2009 Week 2 win against the Pats the Jets beat that awful Titans team by a touchdown then lost 3 straight. They’ll be drinking champagne until November after last week, and some of them won’t be calling for cabs.

Last Week  6-10

This Season 13-16-3


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