Cubs Beg Their Fans To Buy Tickets For The Upcoming Season

Editors Note - Schwa will be handling Cubs talk this season. Which should be full of many many unfortunate losses. I on the other hand will be doing the normal thing this summer, watching the NFL Network and pretending its Football season.


I got this email yesterday, its dripping with desperation. 2011 should be a blast!

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Cubs Sign Carlos Pena

The Chicago Cubs agreed to a one-year, $10 million contract with free-agent first baseman Carlos Pena, a source said.
Pena had a star-crossed season in 2010, hitting 28 home runs with 84 RBIs but hitting a career-low .196 and striking out 158 times in 484 at-bats.Pena, who has a reputation as being a good clubhouse presence, would solve two problems for the Cubs: He would give them a left-handed power presence in the lineup next to Aramis Ramirez, and he is a Gold Glove-caliber first baseman.
Hey look the Cubs signed a free agent for less than 20 years. This is one of those “why the hell not” deals. Its one year, maybe a little too much money, but ultimately low risk. If Carlos Pena returns to form you just underpaid for a top 5 first baseman. If he sucks and is injured all year who cares? Kick him to the curb and start over. Cubs aren’t winning anything next year anyway, might as well make their offense at least somewhat competitive.
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RIP Ron Santo

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How Am I Not Friends With Crazy Dancing Wrigleyville Guy

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I love this guy. Just shakin that ass and workin what his mama gave him. I just don’t understand how we have been living in the same city for all this time without meeting. Pretty much destiny that me and this guy should be the dancing dynamic duo all around Wrigley. I’ll be reefin it and he’ll be doing that weird hand hump thing he’s got going on. Unstoppable.


I’m pretty sure this is just this guy’s mid-inning dance because he was right back at the bar as soon as they went back to the broadcast. If that’s the case, I may have to come out of the bullpen for my first few appearances. Just no way I have the stamina to dance that hard for 9 innings, thats how people get hurt. Gotta stretch me out in the minors before I try to keep up with this guy, monitor my innings.

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  • Isn’t that the bar that we went to?

    - BW

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Oh Great Carlos Silva’s Got A Bum Ticker

DENVER — Right-hander Carlos Silva left the Chicago Cubs‘s game against the Colorado Rockies in the first inning after experiencing an abnormal heartbeat Sunday.

Silva was examined by Colorado’s team doctors before being sent to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Denver, where he will spend the night for observation.

“He stepped back, we thought something was wrong,” acting manager Alan Trammel said. “He has an abnormal heart rate. He’s staying overnight for observation is all that I know. He won’t be going back [to Chicago] with us tonight.”

The team said that Silva’s pulse was high and a result of a syndrome called PSVT, which causes an abnormally high heart rhythm. Paramedics corrected the pulse on the way to the hospital, where Silva was said to be back to normal. Silva will see a team cardiologist when he returns to Chicago.

“It caught a lot of us off guard,” Trammell said. “We didn’t know of any history of that for him.”

Not that the Cubs season was going anywhere anyway but it always sucks to get news like that, especially from a guy who was having a great year, minus his post all-star break starts.

It just perfectly sums up the Cubs year though. On Saturday they had one of the season’s only positives, trading Lilly and Theriot for Blake Dewitt, a younger, better offensive player. Followed by Silva’s broken heart. At least the Cubs were able to get a trade under the deadline. Holding on to Lilly would have been foolish and shortsighted. Dewitt should be a good fit in Wrigley and gives the cubs some serious young power up the middle.

Any silver lining is welcome when you sit 13 back to start the month of August. This team is deader than dead, but then again everyone knew that months ago.

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Lou Piniella To Retire At The End Of The Season

CHICAGO — Lou Piniella will retire as manager of the Chicago Cubs at the end of the season.

“I couldn’t be more appreciative of the Cubs organization for providing me the opportunity to manage this ballclub,” Piniella said in a statement. “I’ve had four wonderful years here that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. I’ve grown to love the city and the fans but at my age (67 at the end of the season) it will be time to enter a new phase in my life. It will enable me to spend more valuable time with my family  my wife, my kids and my grandchildren. God has blessed me to have been able to work this many years in the game that I love.

“Why make this announcement now? [General manager] Jim Hendry asked me in recent weeks regarding my future with the team and I told him I had made the decision to retire at the end of the season. Since my decision has now been made, I don’t want to mislead anyone about my intentions when asked in the future.

“But more importantly, announcing my decision now is what’s best for this organization in the long run. It gives Jim Hendry ample time to find the next manager and he doesn’t need to do so in secrecy. The Cubs are one of the greatest organizations in baseball. I care very deeply for this organization and want nothing more than for it to experience present and long-term success. I’m proud of our accomplishments during my time here and this will be a perfect way for me to end my career.

This doesnt really come as a surprise to anyone, especially considering the fact that if Lou didn’t retire he would have been let go in what most likely will be a complete team overhaul by the Ricketts this winter.

With that said it still is a little sad to see Lou go out with the past two years he has had. He had the best team in baseball in 08, which considering the Cubs play in the last 18 months seems more like a decade ago. Who would have thought after that summer that the Cubs would be so bad in Lou’s final two years. Its a shame he never got another shot at the playoffs.

He also is one of the last old school managers, along with Bobby Cox and Jim Leyland, who have their 2-3 must see blowups a year. It was always fun to see that big belly come rumbling out of the dugout ready to kick some bases and scream at a few umps.

Now cue all the meatballs saying this will light a fire in the Cubs this year and the players will be playing for Lou, you know because his retiring will definitely make this team not suck.

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Everyone Can Rest Easy Now, Zambrano Completed Anger Management

CHICAGO — Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has completed his anger management sessions and threw 25 pitches Thursday in Mesa, Ariz., as he started his rehabilitation, according to general manager Jim Hendry.

Hendry said at some point next week the Cubs and Zambrano will get together and decide where he’ll continue his rehab in the minor leagues.

Thank god, our long national nightmare is over. Carlos Zambrano is not angry anymore. I just can’t wait to see the calm, cool, and collected Big Z out on the bump. I bet this new Zambrano gets his 95 mph fastball back. Probably will be lights out now that he doesn’t have to worry about getting angry anymore.

Its just amazing that a 29 year old man who has been immature and angry all his life just needed a couple of weeks with a guidance counselor to straighten shit out. Modern Science truly is amazing.


Love the look on the ladies face in that picture. She is beyond shocked to see emotion at a professional sporting event.

“Oh my god what is that bad man doing. This is terrible, someone get me a cup of tea and the new Virginia Woolf novel, I need to lay down”.

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Cubs June Recap, Yikes!

Even Ronnie Woo Woo Has Run Out Of Patience

So Bird’s White Sox recap gloating about the Sox having the greatest month ever has compelled me to give everyone a nice shot of reality about what has transpired on the North Side. It hurts and it hurts bad, here are the facts.

- Cubs went 10-16 in the month of June

- They have lost 9 out of their last 10 series, including all 4 this season to the Pirates

-On that same note the Pirates won 6 games in June half of them against the Cubs and on the year the Cubs make up 1/3 of the Pirates total wins.

-Rank 14th out of 16 in the National league for runs score

-Cubs are currently 9.5 games out of first and in 4th place.

To say it has been ugly in Wrigley this summer is an understatement. For Cubs fans this season has been like getting your TV taken away during shark week.

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  • What are we on a 10 year plan now? The window has most definitely closed

    - tommy

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Cubs vs Sox Went Exactly How You Thought It Would

Well that went exactly how everyone expected. One team sucks, the other team is playing real well. One team plays in the big boy league, the other team plays in AAAA. One team has a psycho baby for a starting pitcher, the other team has a starting rotation that is showing signs of being top notch (12-1 in last 17 games).

Is anyone surprised that the South Siders went home with the illustrious BP cup this year? This weekend just proved everything we already know. The Cubs suck and the White Sox are pretty good. Even in the Cubs lone victory they coughed up an 8-3 lead and almost blew the game in the 9th.

This team and its manager is deader than dead. At some point it becomes evident that a team just stinks, and the past 2 weeks have proven that for the Cubs. Theyre 9-14 in the month of June and 8.5 back in the central. And the baffling part about the Cubs is that they suck across the board. The batting is mediocre, the team era is mediocre, the defense is mediocre, the manager is mediocre. Just a collection of middle of the road talent and overpriced veterans, a truly depressing team to watch.

But hey, look on the bright side, Lebron and Bosh will be Bulls in about 2 weeks.

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  • Really good article and I agree the cubs suck and are going nowhere. Where is the The Bird though? I really like his baseball writing

    - Steve from bollingbrook

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Good To See Carlos Zambrano Has Grown Up

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Jesus christ, what a fucking a baby. Hey bro, you throw meatballs down the middle theyre going to get crushed, no reason to blame Derek Lee, who I’m pretty sure is not only the most mild mannered guy but is also a great fielder and teammate. My guess is this spells the end for Big Z and you know what, good riddance. Its ok to punch your catcher and be a hot head when you throw 96 mph and win 15 games a year, not so much when you cant hit 90.


Good call by Bird this morning saying Z would have a big blow up, then again predicting a big z blow up is like saying the sun will rise tomorrow morning.

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