Tomorrow night can’t get here soon enough

Picks…

Mets +161 (Pelfrey) vs Braves (Hanson)

Rockies (Jimenez) vs Giants (Lincecum) Over 6.5 +105

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(Newser) – Food scientists told him it couldn’t be done, but after much experimenting Texas chef Mark Zable proved them wrong and invented deep-fried beer. His ravioli-like creation, to be unveiled at the Texas State Fair, contains beer inside a pocket of pretzel dough. The beer remains alcoholic after the frying, and authorities have ruled people need to be 21 to try it, the Telegraph reports.

“Nobody has been able to fry a liquid before,” says Zable, who has filed a patent application for the cooking process. “It tastes like you took a bite of hot pretzel dough and then took a drink of beer.” Zable’s previous creations include chocolate-covered strawberry waffle balls and jalapeno corndog shrimp.

Well its been fun America. Really it was a great ride, pushing the envelope, inventing fatter and fatter products. But all fun must end right? And Mark Zable just TKO’d the fattening food game. He was like Dirk Diggler whipping out his elephant dick in Boogie Nights, game over. There’s nowhere to go from here. You literally can’t do better. Beer is the greatest thing in the world, and the only way you could ever make it better is to fry it. Done and Done. It’s just sad how jaded we’ll become. People will keep inventing but I’ll never get that feeling back again, the feeling I got the first time I heard about fried beer.

PS

I love that nobody has ever been able to fry liquid before and then an American comes along and dominates the shit out it. If that doesn’t sum up how awesome we are then I don’t know what does. Roll the music…

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(NewsCore) - A 24-year-old Bulgarian man plans to have a sex change operation to transform him into a doppelganger for pop star Lady Gaga, Radar Online reported Tuesday.

Penio Daskalov said becoming the “Poker Face” singer’s clone would help him launch a music career.

He has already appeared on the Bulgarian version of reality TV series “Big Brother,” where he convinced the other contestants that he was a woman.

“I really admire the way she has created herself, so when I’ve had my operations I won’t be quite a man or quite a woman,” Daskalov said.

You do you penio. Seriously bro, if you want to be a drugged out not talent weirdo then go for it, its your life. But don’t come crying to all of us when Lady Gaga ends up on the Surreal Life 27 broke and homeless and you’re stuck in Bulgaria with a vagina and the name Penio. That one is on you dude.

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The Big Ten will announce its much-anticipated, two six-team divisional setup for the 2011-12 season later Wednesday, with traditional football powers Ohio State and Michigan in opposing divisions and new member Nebraska aligned with the Wolverines.

Multiple sources told ESPN.com that the two divisions in the Big Ten will look like:

• Michigan, Nebraska, Iowa, Michigan State, Northwestern and Minnesota.

• And Ohio State, Penn State, Wisconsin, Purdue, Indiana and Illinois.

So the  new Big Ten Conference alignment has been released and it seems like everyone everywhere has some gripe about the “fairness” of the divisions. First of all, I don’t know how you can argue fair when teams are always falling in and out of relevance. Good teams have bad years and bad teams have good years. That will happen with any conference. That’s the nature of college football and sports in general.

So with that said I think they actually did a pretty good job with this alignment. Breaking it down for football you have 3 “powerhouses” on each side. Michigan, Iowa, Nebraska vs OSU, PSU, and Wisconsin. After that its a complete toss up. Those three bottom teams are always somewhere around mediocre. They may have the exceptional good year but for the most part those will be the bottom three of each division year in and year out.

So I guess I just don’t get what everyone is upset about. Yeah Michigan sucks right now and Nebraska isnt great but those teams will be back, and Ohio State and Penn State won’t always be great. The only guarantee you can take out of this new alignment is that the Badgers will get to smash those hick bastards from Columbus every single year for the rest of eternity.

PS

The only thing I’m pissed about is Purdue in Wisconsin’s division. Otherwise it would have been a run away for Hottest Division. Whatever, even with the boilermakers its blow out city for best looking girls.

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Fact - Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

Spy’s Take - I bet Ozzy Osbourne Has Done It

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Is everyone just planning on living forever? What a shitty month. Its like as soon as it got hot out all the cool celebrities stopped dying. The only thing that was close to a serious celebrity death was that fake Hulk Hogan death that almost actually killed me and that happened at the end of July. That’s how boring August was, I haven’t had anything serious on my radar for over a month.  Whatever, I think most of the celebrities want to hold out until the late fall, that way everyone will remember 2010 as the year they died. Fucking celebrities man, they even die in selfish ways.

Year To Date Standings

1. Dennis Hopper

2. Gary Coleman

3. Cory Haim

August Notables

Lance Cade (Wrestler) - Any time a wrestler passes an angel gets it’s wings, that and everyone at The Hot Glove headquarters is sent home early. Just can’t work when a wrestler is taken from us too soon. Cade was best known for being trained by The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels and teaming up with Y2J Chris Jericho in the ring. You’ll be missed Lance

Howard Dow (American Television News Correspondent) - I’m going to be honest I have no idea who this is. Never heard of him or seen him on tv but a lot of people were sad and shocked when he died so I guess I’m sad too or whatever.

Frank Ryan (Plastic Surgeon) - This is the guy who did Holly Montag’s tits. Obviously sad that he died relatively young but what went on with that whole operation? Did Holly just tell him to keep going and as long as those checks cashed he didnt give a fuck? She looks like Barbie after a 3 month meth binge.

Ted Stevens (US Senator) - I’m pretty sure he committed a bunch of crimes, and I’m pretty sure you can say that about any politician.

Alright September, lets get this thing fired back up.

Until next month…

PS

Here’s a clue to a longshot prediction that friend of The Hot Glove RV came up with the other night. Now that would be truly sad and shocking.

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That’s a torn ACL right there. Someone get the cart, she’s not walking this one off. And to think she was probably one big break away from making it big as the next great ballerina.

Honestly though, time to give it up honey. You don’t see me walking around with an astronaut suit on or acting like a ninja or a pirate. Those dreams when you were 5 years old are exactly that, dreams.

Now please excuse me while I go work on my bball game. I swear to god I am one low post move away from cracking an NBA roster.

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What the fuck is up with Kangaroo Dick? Thing is weird as fuck. The color, the shape, just everything about it is fucking weird. Who knew Kangaroos were such creeps. You know how they say everyday you learn something new and get a wrinkle in your brain. Well today’s wrinkle is that kangaroo’s have gross looking dicks.

PS

Whats up with these kids jerking off this kangaroo? Is that like a thing in Australia? Kids just go around giving Kangaroo handy’s? Guess this Kangaroo Dick thing just got even weirder.

PPS

I didn’t want to talk about Kangaroo penis today. Like I didn’t wake up and say “today I’m going to blog about Kangaroo cock”. But rule number 1 of The Hot Glove is if I have to watch a bunch of kids masturbate a Kangaroos weird dick you have to watch a bunch of kids masturbate a Kangaroo’s weird dick. Dems Da Breaks.

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The good news is senior offensive lineman Josh Koeppel escaped serious injury in a mishap Monday morning. He was treated and released from the hospital with a variety of bumps, bruises and cuts but nothing more.

Koeppel had been battling for the starting center job with Ferentz’s son, James, but the coach said Tuesday at his weekly news conference that he doubts Koeppel will be in uniform Saturday when the Hawkeyes open the season against Eastern Illinois.

See, I told everyone. Don’t fuck with the Badgers this year. It’s destiny. God is on our side. Badgers will take care of their opponents on the field and God will take care of them off. There’s no other explanation for our biggest rival’s center getting his dick smashed in while he rides around on his cute little scooter right before week 1.

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P. I. M. P

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