Sep 16 2010

Seattle Storm - Dynasty!!!!

2 Championships in the last 6 years? Yes Please. In your face Rebecca Lobo and the New York Liberty.

Sep 16 2010

Let’s Hope NC State Doesn’t Pull This Shit Tonight

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I like NC state so much its starting to scare me. One of those games where you start talking yourself out of, getting in your own head. Oh well, you know what that means, NC state players will be running into goal posts and lose by 30+. Too bad I can’t be on the real wolfpack…

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Don’t turn your back on the wolfpack, might wind up in a bodybag.

Sep 16 2010

Man’s Body Found Inside 12 Foot Tiger Shark

(Newser) – Bahamas sailor Judson Newton ended up in a tiger shark’s belly after a boating trip to Jaws Beach, authorities say. Newton, 43, and a friend vanished late last month after trying to swim to shore when their boat experienced engine trouble off the beach where Jaws: The Revenge was filmed, the Telegraph reports.

Newton’s body was identified by fingerprints after a torso, two severed legs, and two arms were found inside a 12-foot tiger shark caught on a deep-sea fishing trip last week. Friends say Newton, who worked as a sailor on cargo boats, was a strong swimmer. Authorities aren’t sure whether he was alive or dead when he was eaten.

Well ain’t life a real kick in the balls. Filming Jaws, get eaten by a Shark. Doesnt get anymore ironic than that. My only question is, can this guy really be mad? Like yeah he’s dead, which sucks, but at the same time he got to cruise around in a shark, which is pretty badass.

I mean we’re all going out sometime, just seems like being eaten by a shark isn’t that bad of a way to go.

Sep 16 2010

The Hot Glove’s College Football Picks

After going .500 last week, I had a conference with Sinbad and Kathy Ireland who were former All-Americans at Texas State.   The Armadillos might have started out slow, but just as Manumana “The Slender” blew up two-time All-American LB Harlan “Flat-top” Meyers face, The Hot Glove’s picks are gonna knock your bookie out this week.  Boom Boom.

North Carolina St. -2 vs Cincinnati

Georgia-2 vs Arkansas

West Virginia -9.5 vs Maryland

Nevada +3 vs California

Tennessee +14 vs Florida

Texas -3.5 vs Texas Tech

Mississippi St. +8 vs. LSU

Notre Dame +3.5 vs. Michigan St.

Arizona +1.5 vs Iowa

Last Week: 3-3

Season: 9-4-1

Sep 16 2010

Japanese School Teacher, Teaching Students Math Through Murder

(AFP) - A Japanese primary school teacher was reprimanded for giving his pupils a math problem in which he asked how long it would take to kill 18 children at a rate of three murders a day, AFP reported Wednesday.

The 45-year-old male teacher, whose name has been withheld, apologized for giving the quiz to his pupils, aged seven and eight, at his public school in Okazaki, central Japan.

“I did it carelessly. I deeply reflect on my conduct,” he was quoted as saying by the officials over the incident in May, which apparently led to a parent complaining to the school in July.

The teacher reportedly asked the children: “There are 18 kids. If we kill three per day, how many days it will take?”

The school board said it handed the teacher a “strict reprimand.”

“It should not happen again,” said Kumiko Atsumi, a board official. “We are very sorry. We are taking measures to prevent a repeat of similar cases.”

News of the incident emerged as new education ministry statistics said cases of violence at Japanese schools rose for a fourth straight year to a record 60,913 cases for the year to March, with 165 student suicides.

Fucking japan man, always staying one step ahead. I was totally cool with them having playstation 4 and robots that sucked your dick but this is where I draw the line. Because if Japan is teaching its children how to efficiently murder we are Fucked.

Here we are in America telling our kids everyone should play nice and be friends, meanwhile some 7 year old japanese school boy is doing his homework on how to successfully kill me and dispose of my body. How can you even compete with that?

Oh and spare me the bullshit about the teacher being reprimanded. I’ve seen kill bill 1,2 and 3. I know Japan, that teacher was made royalty by the end of the school day.

Sep 16 2010

Do You Think I’m Too Old For This?

Nothing says maturity like a Nintendo bedspread, nothing

Sep 16 2010

The Spy’s Fact of The Day

The longest distance a deepwater lobster has been recorded to travel is 225 miles

The Spy’s Take:  At least it wasn’t “a lobster that swam the English channel

Sep 16 2010

Check Out This Minnesota State Fair Skullet

So this picture was taken at the Minnesota State Fair and I’m not going to lie I think this Skullet just redeemed the entire state of Minnesota, straight up. I take back all the mean things I’ve said, the DUI jokes, the fat jokes, jokes about BrettFavre, all of it. If this guy is a Minnesotan then I’m jealous of the entire state, because you just don’t see skullets like this everday of the week. This guy could play for me anyday.


Are we sure this isn’t Jesse Ventura?


I was joking about the DUI thing.  You guys are still a bunch of drunk idiots.

Thanks to seth for the tip

Sep 16 2010

Introducing The Newest Dance Move “Getting Daggered”

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I think I’m cool with this dance move as long as I’m the one getting daggered. But, if  doing the dagger means I have to go start grinding on 5 year olds then I am definitely not down with the dagger. So yay on dagger but I have to be the dageree not the dagerer. That’s non-negotiable.


I love how this kid just grabs on for dear life and rides it out like a champ. Kid has swagger for days. If that was 5 year old Big Cat he would have shit and pissed himself site on seen. I just didn’t have the charisma and j’ne sais quoi that I have now.


You should have seen me trying to spell j’ne sais quoi before I gave up and called someone for help. There were g’s, q’s and z’s flying everywhere. Absolute shitshow.

Sep 16 2010

Florida Man Can’t Contain The Urge, “Enjoys Himself” In Wal-Mart Aisle

North Port, Florida (The Weekly Vice) - William Tyler Black, a 28-year-old North Port area substitute teacher was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly jacked off in the toy isle of an area Wal-mart with a Sports Illustrated magazine in hand.

According to North Port police, officers were called when store employees found Black in the toy isle masturbating to a Brooklyn Decker swimsuit edition of Sport’s Illustrated. Store security told the officer an employee became alerted when she heard a moaning sound in the next isle. When she rounded the corner to investigate the sound, she witnessed Black masturbating with an erect penis outside his pants.

Employees then watched while Black used his foot to smear the puddle of semen left on the floor. He then allegedly wiped his hands off on a nearby toy (reportedly a toy light saber), before stashing the magazine in a pile of toys.

Investigators say Black continued to shop while employees blocked the isle so no other shoppers would become contaminated or slip on the floor.

Black was arrested and booked into the Sarasota County Jail on charges of indecent exposure and battery (by leaving harmful fluids behind). His bond has been set at $2,000.

Ho hum just another day in a Florida Wal-Mart. Is this even news worthy? It would be like me saying everday this winter that it was kind of cold in Chicago . No shit its cold,  its Chicago. No shit some guy jacked off in a Wal-Mart in Florida, its a Wal-Mart in Florida.

But you know who the real criminal is here, Sports Illustrated and Brooklyn Decker. Didn’t that issue come out like 3 months ago? And its still on display racks? That’s fucked up. You know William Black probably walked by that magazine everyday, seeing Brooklyn Decker’s eyes that say “Jerk off to me right now in this store”, and he was able to hold off for so long. Then one day he couldn’t handle it and just had to do it. Brooklyn Decker can’t look all hot in your face 24/7 without you masturbating in a Wal-Mart at least once. I mean come on, every man has his limits.


Wiping your baby batter on a toy? You got more class than that William Tyler Black


I like how the Wal-Mart employees quarantined the aisle like it was outbreak or something. You can’t tell me that was the first time there was a jizz spill on a Wal-Mart floor. I just won’t believe it.


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